Canvas ni Kuchizuke wo

Canvas ni Kuchizuke wo

By Nangoku Banana

Overall: Homocheese
Smex Factor: Sexy Sexy
Art: Generic-
Status: 1 Volume; Complete

Review: The only reason I actually revisited this manga, (one of the chapters had been presented as a oneshot before, which I’d read) is because a friend of mine came to me with a horrific tale of the obscenities contained within.

I was particularly amused because she’s not even fond of yaoi in the first place, preferring fluffy GL (or fluffy anything, really). I’d told her before to ask me if she ever wanted to read any BL so that I could direct her to something suiting her taste, yet she sought some by herself. (I have no idea how she stumbled across this in particular.) And now she is, apparently, traumatized for life. It took forever to wheedle the title out of her; she didn’t even want me to read it! (Although it turns out I already had, at least partially.)

Needless to say, this is not fluffy. Haha, nooo, not at all.

And now that you’re sick of me and my anecdote:

The first story is about a young man who likes to masturbate in public.

HA

HA

HA

Now, his family life could be a PSA for birth control, he has so many siblings, but I don’t really think that jacking off at the park and getting caught by some random person/child is really a suitable alternative to getting caught jacking off at home by one of his eight thousand siblings. Perhaps it’s a personal bias, as I am one who has walked in on some rather…unpleasant behavior, but I’m unmoved by his plight.

So while he’s spankin’ it in the bushes, he notices this painter’s INTENSE RAPIST GAZE (which totally turns him on), follows the guy home, and promptly seduces him. It all ends in some very inappropriate abuse of a paintbrush. (That poor brush.)

The fetish of this story is, of course, body painting. And not very good body painting at that. But it’s yaoi, so it’s not simply body art, oh no. This painter literally lusts after his art, and fucking this young man is like fulfilling a dream: fucking his own painting! (Can you even tell how exciting that is guys, can you even. I can’t.)

The conflict lies in the fact that the painter only wants this young man (Mitsu is his name) for his pale canvas-body, so naturally Mitsu runs away like the pathetic bitch he is inside.

“YOU ONLY LOVE ME FOR MY BODY-ART CAPABILITIES”

The conflict is resolved with a good fucking, but…In the end, he really does only value Mitsu for his…being a good canvas or whatever. He all but says so. See, Mitsu gets a rash on his chest, and before the two of them determine the cause of it, the painter just paints on his back, which promptly gets a rash too. Then Painter says that he had suspected paint was the cause of the rash in the first place. Couldn’t have like, MENTIONED THAT?? I can really feel how much he cares, guys.

Then Painter says that the reason for his cold attitude is because he’s 31(!?) and that teenagers are too fickle for a long term relationship with an older lover/don’t know what they want from life yet/haven’t finished developing into the person they’ll become. It’s all surprisingly coherent and rational, and only what I’ve been saying for years.

Mitsu cries: “BUT I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER SENSEI”

And Painter says: “OH WELL THAT’S OKAY THEN”

Well what do you expect? It’s still homocheese after all. Making sense is for people who don’t like bare asses in every other panel.

Then there are three oneshot-type stories, the first being the one I had read a long time ago, “Itoshii Yubisaki.” You know, yubisaki, like, fingers? And boy is this kid into Sensei’s fingers. (Because they both play the harpsichord; how obscure. Why wouldn’t they be a hot mess over fingers?) So into this Sensei’s fingers that MERELY TOUCHING THIS KID will melt him into a quivering mass of LUST. And of course Sensei ends up sleeping with him, saying “we shouldn’t do this,” but not because the kid is his employer’s young son, but because he’s into SADO-MASOCHISTIC RAAAAPE. Okay, it’s barely S&M, but there’s harpsichord-wire involved. (See a theme?)

The kid gets freaked out, but in the end he realizes he’s actually pretty into it. But, because there needs to be conflict because IT REFUSES TO END, he neglects to tell Sensei (who doesn’t get off on a teary face…only the pain accompanying it..?), so Sensei runs off and doesn’t come back. I think I forgot to mention he’s a freaking PUSSY?

But it’s okay because he comes back to stare at the kid through the house’s gigantic windows dramatically. And because that’s not exactly a stealthy way to avoid somebody, the kid catches him and all is well or whatever.

“Do Not Call Me Your Master!” is about a guy named Midori realizing that this other guy he meets on a bus is the submissive partner in a master/servant relationship, and he kinda likes that.

I like how Midori’s totally hot and bothered before Fujita even touches him.

I also like how Midori can apparently talk with a mouthful of dick.

Just saying.

The last story is “The Fox’s Bride.” Because his rapist wears a fox mask.

The gyst of it is this: Akane was sexually assaulted by a guy in a mask one night, and now thinking of the mask (or foxes, the way he says it) gets him off. Because he’s an idiot, he doesn’t realize that his friend is obviously the one that assaulted him, but when the friend finally comes out and tells him, all he has to say is ”oh, I’m so happy!” At which point I punched my screen in the face and broke the world.

Instead of how stupidly long this review is, I could’ve just written

“GRATUITIOUS PENIS”

and it would have been just as, if not more accurate.