Gravitation DJ

Gravitation DJ

By Maki Murakami

Overall: WHAT THE BALLS
Smex Factor: OH GOD WHY
Art: NOOOOOOOO
Status: TOO LONG

Note: This is a Gravitation doujinshi created by the original creator for no other reason than to show the Earth how horrible everything can be, and it's hosted on Mangafox. WHY AM I LINKING TO IT?! EVEN SHE ADMITS THAT PARTS OF IT ARE JUST HORRIBLE

Review: So, once upon a time, I read Gravitation. I thought, "This woman's completely out of her head." But I loved it. It was hilarious. It was a series that clearly didn't care what others thought of it, for better or for worse. And hey, c'mon, it's beloved by BL readers and even otherwise for a reason.

Once upon a time (after that), a good friend of mine asked me if I'd read the doujinshi. No, I hadn't. "DON'T READ IT. IT'S HORRIBLE. I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE IT. PLEASE DON'T. IT'S DISGUSTING."*

*This is an approximation of the words actually said on that day.

And I thought, "it can't be as bad as all that. I've seen hardcore stuff; she's just not used to it." And out of curiosity, I put in a half-hearted search for the stuff. I had no results, and I forgot about it.

On a quiet night, I was frustrated. I wanted a novel with a well-characterized gay couple as a sub-plot at best, that maybe had a dystopic or fantasy setting and fight scenes. Forgetting that I own Young Avengers, I went to mangafox and somehow entered the right keywords to find the Gravitation doujinshis. Time to find out what the hell my friend was going on about, right?

Dear god.

I'm so sorry for underestimating you, Babs. I was wrong, and I apologize. I was so very, very wrong.

Again, I'm no stranger to hardcore yaoi. Admittedly, real porn is in a league of its own, but yaoi? Familiar territory. It's drawings.

Maki Murakami has strange ideas about what's sexy. Not just fetish-wise. Just...It really is indescribable just WHY it's grotesque exactly, but I'll do my best.

Everything is very wet, and everything spurts. FOUNTAINS AND FOUNTAINS OF FLUID. WATERFALLS EVEN. FROM EVERY ORIFICE. She likes showing dicks in action, even if they're incased in the asshole of other human beings. X-RAY VISION, ANYBODY? And at that point, with creased brow and grimacing lips, any doubts you may have had about how something that big fits into a body that small without rupturing organs are answered. And you ever wanted to know how far an asshole could stretch, in detail? Yeah, me neither. Sure, there's incest, but I can tell you that incest was the last thing on my mind in THAT chapter. And shota? Oh my god that child is SEVEN AT BEST. Admittedly, I didn't see much of that chapter because the initial images just completely tipped my scales, and I couldn't take it. So I skipped it.

And as a capper, pee was MORE THAN MENTIONED at one point.

Every orifice. Violated. In great detail. More detail than you could ever want.

I really wanted to stop. "I wanted to vomit a little" does not even begin describe my emotions towards these chapters. These make even Satan cry. I couldn't even apply the word perverse to this; the word WRONG cannot properly convey the horror within these pages. What pleasure could possibly be derived from this? (If you think it's sexy, I'm sure that you don't want to tell me that. Please.)

But suddenly, I had a strange feeling. My PRIDE kicked in. I write a YAOI REVIEW BLOG. My subtitle is "You would not believe the stuff I've read." And it's true, isn't it? And I couldn't stick it out through THIS?

BY JOVE, I'LL FINISH IT EVEN IF I'M FOREVER RUINED AS A RESULT.

And I guess my resolution paid off. Really, the Megamix chapters are the horrible sob-worthy ones. The remix chapters are more in the vein of the regular series (with its goofy stupid dialog), just with a little common-style sex scenes thrown in. But I felt better when I saw Tohma's helicopter crash through the ceiling of Yuuki's house nonchalantly with the explanation "they had house insurance" scrawled in the margin. That's the Murakami I know. And my heart breathed a sigh of relief.

A lot of the characters are really out of character in the remaining chapters, but it's to be expected for what basically amounts to fanfiction. (Despite the canonity of the author.)

Anyway, I quit after a few remix chapters because I got bored. It's just sex sex sex sex sex HEY HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO SEE THESE TWO CHARACTERS HAVING SEX BECAUSE HERE THEY ARE HAVING SEX AND MAYBE A COUPLE THREESOMES AND SOME S&M AND HUMILIATION PLAY AND SHUUICHI'S A WOMAN IN THIS ONE

And frankly, I don't find it terribly (or at all) interesting. It's nothing I haven't seen before anyway. So my pride was secured, and I felt that I could safely close the tab containing the horrid doujinshi.

Even now, after reading all the megamix chapters, I think to myself, it really can't be as bad as I've written up there? Surely I was exaggerating with the delirium of the moment...

But rereading those words also brings back vague pictures in my mind. Vague and depraved imagery, just out of focus, but enough to remind me. The emotions that I felt. Not even shock, not simple disgust, but full REVULSION and NEASEUM. The REPUGNANCE of this ABOMINATION, while I've somehow blocked the specific detail of it, remains like a bad aftertaste in my brain.

So take it from me. Don't read this. Really. Even out of curiosity. It's not worth it. This shit STAYS with you. Once you read it, it will always be there, lurking in the back of your mind, waiting for some keyword to unlock the memory of its repugnance.

You will be forever tainted, for NO REASON.

And that's what I'M FOR. To read this stuff so that you know to RUN THE FUCK AWAY. I may have MY pride, but don't cut off your nose despite your face okay?

I'M A FUCKING SOLDIER, ALRIGHT!?

NOTHING SCARES ME AWAY, GOT IT!? I CAN TAKE ANYTHING THESE MANGA-KA THROW AT ME

ANYTHINGGGGG